Because it’s April 29, 2013.
It’s April 29. And internship ends after tomorrow. I just can’t stress this enough. Beautiful morning indeed. <3
You ever do this? You think back on the times you had with someone, replay it in your head over and over again, and you look for those first signs of trouble.
98 days remaining: It does happen, sometimes, that you wake up in the morning and you feel like dragging yourself just to go to the hospital and do what you have to do. There are days when you do not want to deal with patients at all. I believe that it’s not exactly an unusual feeling, and the bulk of work and the number of patients we attend to in PGH do not help that feeling at all.
Well, today was one of those days. And I was lying on my bed for half an hour this morning just willing myself to get up and go to the hospital. But every time such happens, in the end I always find myself in PGH a few minutes after. And you know why?
Because becoming a doctor and spending my learning years in that hospital has been a very overwhelming and humbling experience. And that’s putting it lightly.
99 days remaining: The countdown to the end of internship signals a new phase, a subtle reminder of the importance of August 2013 and how pivotal it is going to be. And so, for all the anxieties and overwhelming self doubt the fast-approaching licensure exam brings, as expressed over dinner with a friend tonight, it is essential to stop for a while and take a deep breath.
“Nerves and butterflies are fine - they’re a physical sign that you’re mentally ready and eager. You have to get the butterflies to fly in formation, that’s the trick.”
- Steve Bull
Nerves and butterflies, after all, mean it’s significant.
The monotony of our everyday lives may get boring, the every-three-days duty eventually becomes tiresome. But the beauty of everyday, we should miss not.
“You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. It’s just a matter of paying attention to this miracle.”
- Paulo Coelho
The countdown begins, 100 days to go before the end of internship.
“Wake up, I’m trying to show you, I wanna come clean.
You mean more than you should mean…”
No More Wishing, Hayley Taylor
I heard this playing earlier today, and it reminded me of Barney Stinson in Benefits (S04E12). And of course, similar to the countless times I’ve watched this episode, the reaction’s still “Aww.”
Ours is a different type of love, if one can call it such. Our relationship is a little bit unconventional.
To begin with, we say we are friends. But we are not friends. We can act as if we really are, but we can never be friends.
We throw mind games at each other, in addition to the fact that, somehow, we often try to outsmart each other. We are so alike so much so that we both only take calculated risks; we are not the type to simply and blindly jump off cliffs.
What we have is exactly what happens when you put two individuals, neither being good at confronting feelings, together. In fact, we are not even audacious enough to consider the possibility of being together, given that neither is willing to be the first to say the words that need to be said.
But after all the confusing signals and unacknowledged emotions, even you must admit that our situation is tiring. Why can’t we just go out to dinner, or talk over coffee, or go see a movie, like what ‘normal’ couples do? Why does it have to be mind games, and mixed signals, on top of the overwhelming tower that is our pride? Why can’t we do normal?
Anything of value entails hard work, it is true, including this twisted relationship of ours. But at some point it just has to be easy. It’s got to be.